29 May 2014

When Monopoly gets violent

The night of my arrival in California, my brother punished me for my long absence by insisting that the four of us play the dreaded Monopoly. It's a game that generally drives me to contemplate how to kill myself using game pieces (see pensive face pictured above). Apparently, it's also a game that sends my father on an emotional roller coaster.

On his numerous non-lucrative properties: "Do you know what it's like to be a slumlord and have no one living in your slums?"

On my purchase of his favorite property: "I'll have to kill her before she gives me Marvin Gardens! She'll give it to anyone but me! Hell will freeze over before she sells it to me!"

To his own son: "I passed Go and never got my two hundred dollars! I'll fucking kill you in your sleep!"

It'll be a while before he's psychologically ready to play again.